Well here’s a movie that doesn’t seem to be aspiring to absolutely anything. There are a few jokes, but not nearly enough for it to be a comedy. It’s kind of a coming of age story, but no one really learns anything worth remembering or that will help them in the next stage of their lives. I have no idea what kind of movie The Hollywood Knights is trying to be, and I’m pretty sure the people making it didn’t have a clue either.
It’s Halloween night 1965, but don’t be fooled, this movie has nothing to with Halloween. Why set it on such an iconic night of the year than do nothing to take advantage of it? I may be the first person to ask that question, because it’s obvious the screenwriter never did.
A group of teenage (I think) dudes are a gang called the Hollywood Knights. They cruise the streets in their hot rods and spend the entire night in their cars or at their favourite drive in diner. While their exploits might seem pointless and juvenile, this one long night and their desire for it to never end is actually a metaphor for how they’re clinging to their youth while realising they’ll have to accept that they’re growing up.
Sound familiar? Then I guess you’ve seen American Graffiti. Because this is a beat by beat rip off of the George Lucas movie, with all the interesting bits replaced by obvious, shitty jokes.
I’m not gonna waste time getting into characters, their storylines or who played them, because you’ve never heard of any of them, and the storylines are super cliched and predictable. Except, Michelle Pfieffer and Tony Danza, both making their movie debuts, and Fran Drescher. They all show up, but they’re playing pretty small parts that contribute nothing. But in their defense, not one single character contributes anything good to this movie.
The best part of The Hollywood Knights is that the writer and director, Floyd Murtux, went on to do nothing of any note after this and barely had a career. Because I’d hate to think someone could crap out something this lazy, this boring and this pointless, yet still get to continue working in show business.
Thankfully, you’ve probably never heard of this movie, and after reading this, almost certainly never will again. But if for some strange reason you find yourself contemplating watching The Hollywood Knights, please, just watch American Graffiti instead.
The Hollywood Knights
Directed By – Floyd Mutrux
Written By – Floyd Mutrux
Bored and Dangerous 
“Thankfully, you’ve probably never heard of this movie, and after reading this, almost certainly never will again.”
– Pete Laurie
Look shit-for-brains – and I mean that with all due respect with consideration that you’ve got your head so far up your ass based on this “review” – it’s pretty clear how out of touch with what makes ‘The Hollywood Knights’ such a hidden iconic jewel to stuffed shirts like you. My guess is you’re the type of person represented by the upper crust mucky mucks who have “a little wang” added to their punch.
Yeah, the movie is basically ‘American Graffiti” meets ‘Animal House’ but what movie after 1977 isn’t a hybrid of its influences. It’s the influences ‘Knights’ has to the generation it was aimed at that you missed. The movie is endlessly quotable, has one of screen comedy’s most underrated “bad guy” in Officer Bimbo, it has hot rods and hot chicks, hilarious pranks, and gratuitous nudity (Fran Drescher’s cans make their movie debut) There’s even car clubs and community basketball league teams who have named themselves after this classic movie.
Movie snobs look down their noses at ‘The Hollywood Knights’ for one reason: they don’t relate to it because when they were kids, they never had friends like Knights lead prankster Newbaum Turk. Oh that reminds me…
“I’m not gonna waste time getting into characters, their storylines or who played them, because you’ve never heard of any of them”
– Pete Laurie
How about this? Speak for yourself about who your readers – if there are any – do and do not know. Newbaum was played by actor Robert Wuhl. After ‘Knights’ he didn’t go exactly to the heights as Michelle Pfieffer, Tony Danza, and Fran Drescher, but he did have a very successful run writing, producing, and starring in one of HBO’s early series ‘Arli$$.’
Sure, the two movies I mentioned that are the hybrid of ‘Knights’ are vastly superior and nuanced and layered. All the things film school flunkies turned blog critics like to wax on about to impress whoever might care, but movies aren’t made for people like that. You may think they are, but you’d be wrong.
Which is something I get the impression you’re used to. Now go grab a cup of punch.
If only the people writing, directing and acting in The Hollywood Knights gave half as much of a crap about this movie as you do. Then maybe it wouldn’t be such a monumental shit show of cliches, predictability and, worst of all, the dude from Arliss. Who, in your words, never reached the dizzying heights of celebrated thespian, Tony Danza.
Sincerely,
Shit-for-Brains
BAM!
Not half the shit show you call a review, Clown Shoes.
Maybe I saw it too late. Maybe The Hollywood Knights is the kind of movie you need to discover when you’re young, dumb and think any old shit is entertaining because you haven’t developed taste yet. Without the novelty of nostalgia, it’s just bad jokes, awkward acting and by the numbers film making.
Great movie a clasdic
A clasdic piece of crap. Just poorly written, lazily made, badly acted proof for anyone who would like to argue that the 80s may have been the absolute worst decade in American film making.
A piece of crap? Obviously you drove a poop wagon and not up pie wagon. I’m guessing you had that taste in your mouth before?
You sure showed me.
Appropriately enough, this movie will be fondly remembered long after whathisname Laurie is forgotten.
This movie is forgotten the second everyone old enough to have seen it in the cinema is dead. No new generations are discovering it.